Friday, 24 December 2010

Christmas Greetings - in Legalese

I've published these legalese and politically correct Christmas greetings once or twice before, but that's no reason not to share them here as well.


1. I would like you to accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for:

a) An environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious or secular practices of your choice without prejudice to the religious and/or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all;

b) A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated passing of the calendar year 2010CE, without prejudice to the calendars of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our (or your) country great without implying that our (or your) country is greater than any other country or is the only great country, and without regard to race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith (or lack thereof) or sexual orientation.

2. The wishes expressed in Part 1 are granted on the following terms:

a) they are to be considered extended to all members of your family or other social unit, including but not limited to:
i) other persons directly or indirectly related to you by blood or otherwise and any such persons to whom you consider yourself to be related regardless of biological, legal, religious or other process,
ii) any person or persons not included in paragraph 2a)i) hereof with whom you enjoy regular (or otherwise) consensual sexual activities regardless of gender, race, age or sexual orientation with or without the possibility for procreation,
iii) other animal and/or vegetable organisms (or inanimate objects) you or anyone else may consider part of your family or other social unit;

b) they are freely transferable with no alteration to the original wishes to any person in your wider social circle not included in paragraph 2a hereof;

c) they are limited to a period of one terrestrial solar year or until the issue of subsequent holiday wishes, whichever occurs first;

d) they are subject to clarification or withdrawal and are revocable at my sole discretion at any time, for any reason or for no reason at all;

e) no promise to implement any of the wishes or responsibility for the consequences which may arise from the implementation or non-implementation of same is or may be implied.

3. These wishes are void where prohibited by law and are specifically not extended to any extra-terrestrial or other beings who bear ill-will towards any or all members of the species known as Homo sapiens or any other life-form on planet Earth.

4. In accordance with environmental policies, procedures and practices, no trees were directly harmed in the preparation or transmission of these wishes although a significant number of electrons was slightly inconvenienced.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF I have hereunto applied my signature, seal or other personally identifiable mark this 24th day of December 2010CE