Sunday, 15 March 2009

Odd advertising connections

I suppose I should upload this to Failblog or somewhere, it's THAT odd.

I've just spent a few minutes wondering around my YouTube subscriptions.

Up popped a new video from Nerimon (AKA Alex Day) explaining (inter alia) that he's not gay despite what some people surmised from one of his recent videos.

For some bizarre reason, YouTube's advertising scripts decided to present me with possibly the least appropriate (and most unwelcome) adverts ever:

Branding confusion

It struck me while taking my shoes off a few minutes ago that I am a marketeer's worst nightmare today, sending out too many mixed signals.

I am sort of trendily (though rather chavtastically) clothed but in all the wrong brands, I suspect.

Shoes by Reebok
Socks by Lonsdale
Trousers by Dunlop (they're actually designed for playing golf but I knew I was spending most of the day outdoors today and these trousers are really wind- and rain- proof)
T-shirt by Fila
Hooded sweatshirt by Umbro
Oh, and undies by Diadora

And for a while I had a Nike baseball cap on.

Just HOW wrong am I?

Especially for a 46 year-old?

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Answering questions

Stig just posted a blog with some answers to a questionnaire he'd found.

I thought some of the questions were rather fun, even if a bit random (this is clearly aimed at school kids), so here's my own answers. Rather spookily, Stig and his boyfriend, the Cameraman, make an appearance in several of my answers...

Do you have any pets? Not now. Growing up, my parents had a series of cats who were more practical than pets (as mouse catchers. Most of my sisters have cats though, and one has two absolutely huge dogs and three cats, all of whom are wonderful.



What colour of shirt are you wearing? A grey t-shirt with black shoulders and a maroon stripe around the chest.

Name three things that are physically close to you. PC, light, apple (well, the two remaining bites thereof).

What is the last book you read? Following a recommendation by Mr Stig, I'm about 2/3 through Judas Unchained by Peter F. Hamilton, which is part two of his Commonwealth Saga (following from 'Pandora's Star').

Are you a good student? I've been out of formal education for more years than I care to remember, although I've recently taken up formal German classes (a long-standing ambition) and I'm usually the one the teacher looks at first to volunteer answers, so decide for yourself.

What's your favourite sport? Erm, I don't 'do' sports. I'm not very physically co-ordinated and I'm a very poor team player. I followed tennis back in John McEnroe's day, and nowadays the only sport I follow with any degree of continuing interest is snooker.

Do you enjoy sleeping late? Anyone who knows me even slightly knows the answer to that. Try calling me before 10am (and getting no answer) if you're in any doubt...

What's the weather like right now? It's 1.30am in the middle of March so it's dark and cold. From what I can see of the trees through the window, there's no wind.

(This was the view from this seat two weeks ago)





Who tells the best jokes? Generally speaking, the best comics are Irish or Scottish.

What was the last thing you dreamt about? I have about three or four notable dreams a week, most of them strange in some way. Last night I had a dream about my boss in my first proper job after leaving university. He was also my landlord (I was living in his house) and the dream was mainly about me going around his house looking for him (in the present rather than 20 years ago - he died a couple of years ago).

Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Nope. Getting lessons and passing the test is one of several ambitions I have for 2009.

Do you believe in karma? Not in any rational or organised way, but I have a general feeling that the cosmos has a way of getting its own back.

Do you believe in luck? Nope.

Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up? Actually, I'll take an omelette, please.

Do you collect anything? If so, what? Bad habits? :-) (I have a fascination with a certain musician and collect recordings and other items reating to his career but I'm not prepared to name him right here.)

Are you proud of yourself? Depends what we're talking about: I am with some things; and am certainly not with others. To turn the question around, on the whole, I'm not ashamed of myself.

Are you reliable? Yes. Not very punctual most of the time, but I am reliable.

Have you ever given money to a bum? The UK has a generous system of help for people in difficulties and I like to think I already give money to deserving cases through my taxes and a couple of charities I support.

What's your favourite food? I have no favourites, apart from requiring that it's made properly, from quality ingredients.

Have you ever had a secret admirer? Nobody's ever admitted to having admired me from afar, no. And if they're still secretive about it, how would I know?

Do you like the smell of gasoline? An odd chemical smell to like. I don't. It gives me headaches.

Do you like to draw? It's not a talent I possess and I generally don't like doing things I know I'm incapable of doing to any kind of standard.

What's your favourite invention? The Internet?

Is your room messy? Yes. Very. (oops)

Which do you like better: oranges or apples? Depends what I'm going to do with them. But to eat raw as a snack, apples.

Do you give in easily? That all depends on the situation. Sometimes I will; sometimes I won't.

Are you a good guesser? What's a good guesser? If it's selecting the right thing at random, I suppose I follow the rules of probability and get things wrong roughly half the time. If it's making informed estimates, I'm pretty good.

Can you read other people's expressions? Generally I think I can, yeah.

Are you a bully? If you're asking whether I gain pleasure from belittling people, no I don't.

Do you have a job? Several, aksherly.

What time did you wake up this morning? My alarm clock went off at 9.40 and I promptly switched it off and went to sleep again. My phone was pre-set to go off at 11.30 which it did, and I switched it off before nodding off again. I eventually climbed out of bed at about 12.15.

What did you eat for breakfast this morning? I never eat breakfast: I can't eat anything within an hour of waking up. It's just a coffee or two.

When was the last time you showered? This afternoon at the gym.

What do you plan on doing tomorrow? I have empty kitchen cupbboards and an empty fridge to fill, so the morning will be spent food shopping. Then I have various jobs at home and I plan to visit the gym at some point.

What's your favourite day of the week and why? Because I don't have a normal lifestyle revolving around a five-day job, every day is, or can be, much like any other. But I normally visit friends on Sunday afternoons, and that's always worth looking forward to!

Do you have any nicknames? Apart from plum and variations, there are a few but because I use some of them as the basis for passwords, I won't share them...

Have you ever been scuba diving? Nope. If Mother Nature had intended me to spend any amount of time under water she'd have given me gills.

What's your least favourite colour? All colours have their uses, depending on context. So I have no faves and no non-faves. I wear brightly-coloured clothes but I'd probably go mad in a brightly-coloured room or car.

Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who? Not really, nope.

Would you ever go skydiving? I suffer from bad vertigo and would likely pass out from fear as soon as the door opened on the aeroplane, so no way. (I'm fine in passenger planes EXCEPT for coming in to land when I close my eyes and seize up.)

What toothpaste do you use? I have no toothpaste brand loyalty. I have a tube of Aquafresh in my gym bag washbag, a tube of Colgate in the bathroom and a tube of Macleans in the downstairs washroom.

Do you enjoy challenges? Intellectual ones more than physical ones, definitely.

What's the worst injury you have had? I sprained my right thumb and wrist seven months ago and they're STILL not working properly. I've sprained one or the other ankle several times and cracked my head a few times too. When I was 12 I was involved in a car accident (I was a pedestrian) and hurt my left thigh and knee. Very occasionally, my knee gives me trouble even now.

What's the last movie you saw? Watchmen, earlier today. Seriously unimpressed.


What do you want to know about the future? Next week's lottery numbers would be good.

What does your last text message say? Informing Stig and Cameraman how disappointed I was with Watchmen, "A bit pfft + a bit meh + a lot YAWN".

Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to? A taxi company.

What's your favourite school subject? I'm a bit old for school. I always liked (and was good at) languages and Maths, though.

What's your least favourite school subject? I didn't really have any. I just had least favourite teachers.

Would you rather have money or love? Either one would make me happy.

What is your dream vacation? Dream holidays are more about the company than the place, so as long as it's with people with whom I'm prepared to be completely open and unhibited, I really don't mind where we go.

What is your favourite animal? My sister's two dogs.




Do you miss anyone right now? Nope.

What's the last sporting event you watched? A bit of basketball while setting up a friend's satellite system.

Do you need to do laundry? Always. I have two elderly parents to look after and they're always needing something washing.

Do you listen to the radio? Not really. The old radio in my bedroom is tuned to BBC Radio 4 and I sometimes listen a bit when lying in.

Where were you when 9/11 happened? Sitting where I'm sitting right now. I was IMing with a friend who said "switch on the TV". "What channel?" "ANY channel". As the picture came on, the second plane hit.

What do you do when vending machines steal your money? It's only ever happened to me once, it was a coffee machine and I just walked away.

Have you ever caught a butterfly? When I was a kid, sure. Lots of times, to watch them up close for a moment and let them go.

What colour are your bed sheets? Right now, I have a pink bedsheet, a baby-blue duvet cover and white pillow cases.

What's your ringtone? For voice calls, "Who are You?" by The Who, and for texts, "Baba O'Riley", also by The Who.

Who was the last person to make you laugh? Stig. :D

Do you have any obsessions right now? Nothing unsual, apart from the usual obsession with getting laid.

Do you like things that glow in the dark? Yes. When I'm out in the countryside, I can stare at the night sky for hours and hours.

What's your favorite fruity scent? Depends on the context, but probably citrus.

Do you watch cartoons? I'm a sucker for classic Tex Avery (especially Tom & Jerry and Bugs Bunny) but I also like the Simpsons and Family Guy.

Have you ever sat on a roof? I have sat on more than one roof, yes. I have also been known to sit on them while fixing them.

Have you ever been to a different country? Of course. Even better, I lived in a different country for 10 years.

Name three things in the world you dislike. Intolerance, wilfull ignorance and thoughtlessness (especially when it's me displaying them).

Name three people in the world you dislike. I can't honestly think of anyone of the top of my head. Nobody's really pissed me off recently.

Has a rumour even been spread about you? When I was at school, a friend of mine and I were ill with something and cooped up in the sick bay, bored out of our heads. We deliberately started a rumour that we'd destroyed a local shop. Within four hours the whole school believed it and we had a visit from the headmaster asking for explanations. Apparently he'd phoned the shop who of course knew nothing about it... The only other rumour I'm aware of about me was several years later, according to which apparently I'd made a girl pregnant... Thankfully the only people who heard the rumour knew that the chances of my having sexual relations with a female were, well.... negligible.

Do you like sushi? Yummy. Love it. I had some wonderful raw salmon for my dinner today.

Do you believe in magic? Nope.

Do you hold grudges? Generally not, no. When people piss me off, the effects rarely last more than a moment. There is only one exception to that, but it's a pretty major one.